Corporate Doublespeak

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Corporate Doublespeak

3 years ago 3 years ago

Corporate Doublespeak

by Richard Rejmer 3 years ago3 years ago

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Me at the library
I’d do a chain saw
Someone to keep an eye on, preferably from a distance
Just ask the Strayans
No responsibilities 🤗
I tried my hardest
A Hoober
Huh, I had a different answer
Watermelon but like, with a low battery.
“When am I?”
I really want someone to open this outside now
Looking forward to a Mogwai Christmas (unless they get wet or are fed after midnight…) One of my regular Christmas movies :)
Today’s the day the Teddy bears have their picnic!
A little bit of everything
🐸🚍
That’s my new name for them
A lost art
A Model family
Turdgers
📦
Best to be sure
Surely you jest
I forgot to fix my hair!
It’s a shiny
When you’re eleven and at the museum with the rest of your class and the teacher can’t watch everyone…

Me at the library

Me at the library
I’d do a chain saw

I’d do a chain saw
Someone to keep an eye on, preferably from...

Someone to keep an eye on, preferably from...
Just ask the Strayans

Just ask the Strayans
No responsibilities 🤗

No responsibilities 🤗
I tried my hardest

I tried my hardest
A Hoober

A Hoober
Huh, I had a different answer

Huh, I had a different answer
Watermelon but like, with a low battery.

Watermelon but like, with a low battery.
“When am I?”

“When am I?”
I really want someone to open this outside...

I really want someone to open this outside...
Looking forward to a Mogwai Christmas (unless they...

Looking forward to a Mogwai Christmas (unless they...
Today’s the day the Teddy bears have their...

Today’s the day the Teddy bears have their...
A little bit of everything

A little bit of everything
🐸🚍

🐸🚍
That’s my new name for them

That’s my new name for them
A lost art

A lost art
A Model family

A Model family
Turdgers

Turdgers
📦

📦
Best to be sure

Best to be sure
Surely you jest

Surely you jest
I forgot to fix my hair!

I forgot to fix my hair!
It’s a shiny

It’s a shiny
When you’re eleven and at the museum with...

When you’re eleven and at the museum with...
Two alternatives …

Two alternatives …
Wish it were true!

Wish it were true!
Is it safe?

Is it safe?
Could you demonstrate what not to do?

Could you demonstrate what not to do?
I say NAY to you good sir!

I say NAY to you good sir!
Yeah, what the heck. It says what they...

Yeah, what the heck. It says what they...
Plus a heater

Plus a heater
Yup

Yup
*Insert gif here*

*Insert gif here*
I’m sensible.

I’m sensible.
Ready to take over

Ready to take over
Plans for a Christmas-party?

Plans for a Christmas-party?
He was under her smell

He was under her smell
A sour experience

A sour experience
It’s getting chilly….

It’s getting chilly….
And pick up the sequel “How to leave...

And pick up the sequel “How to leave...
I myself struggled to follow the story, but...

I myself struggled to follow the story, but...
That must be it

That must be it
Hiya!

Hiya!
Buns

Buns
Results may differ, dependinging country/time zone

Results may differ, dependinging country/time zone
*gentle sobbing*

*gentle sobbing*
Wait a second! That’s Shivvy, no?

Wait a second! That’s Shivvy, no?
Besties … Australian style

Besties … Australian style
Don’t even ask about King Knut …

Don’t even ask about King Knut …
Anyone see anything Santa related in here?

Anyone see anything Santa related in here?
I was hungry, but now I just have...

I was hungry, but now I just have...
Must be approaching exams

Must be approaching exams
They’re right. The best kind of right

They’re right. The best kind of right
Elmo no! That’s not a big hug

Elmo no! That’s not a big hug
This checks out.

This checks out.
The “Research Library”

The “Research Library”
Once it stops yelling, it should be replaced

Once it stops yelling, it should be replaced
I’m driving

I’m driving
When do I get the regeneration and metal...

When do I get the regeneration and metal...
Not sure that’s magic, butt….

Not sure that’s magic, butt….
Thiwst is what bwings us togethew, today

Thiwst is what bwings us togethew, today
Mud tasted a lot better back then.

Mud tasted a lot better back then.
I have stability

I have stability
My favorite song, lately.

My favorite song, lately.
Shouldn’t be driving that fast in the field!

Shouldn’t be driving that fast in the field!
It’s getting cold now

It’s getting cold now
I could say the same about grapes

I could say the same about grapes
Them beer rilla tacos be hittin too.

Them beer rilla tacos be hittin too.
😈

😈
I often heard my mom and dad playing...

I often heard my mom and dad playing...
She knew he was fun sized.

She knew he was fun sized.
Annoys the HELL out of me that I...

Annoys the HELL out of me that I...
Ouch

Ouch
No one wants a skinny turkey

No one wants a skinny turkey
He’d need something a lot harder than a...

He’d need something a lot harder than a...
The real cart was the friends we made...

The real cart was the friends we made...
We’ve all been there

We’ve all been there
There are some jobs I don’t do

There are some jobs I don’t do
Test results

Test results
There are many countries they could land in...

There are many countries they could land in...
Gotta love the dog in the background

Gotta love the dog in the background
Muffin just tenderized that chicken

Muffin just tenderized that chicken
No longer a dungeon crawl

No longer a dungeon crawl
What’s the address so I can warn them

What’s the address so I can warn them
Accurate. I think I’ll pour some more

Accurate. I think I’ll pour some more
I’d be McScreaming too

I’d be McScreaming too
Tis the season

Tis the season
Zoom

Zoom
What is “dinner” in Latin?

What is “dinner” in Latin?
It was carrying a little briefcase…

It was carrying a little briefcase…
Look at this boulder!

Look at this boulder!
Is that me in the reflection?

Is that me in the reflection?
When you know what you want to say...

When you know what you want to say...
Send me down one last time.

Send me down one last time.
So awkward

So awkward
Oh to be a roach in a sea...

Oh to be a roach in a sea...
He was a friend of mime…

He was a friend of mime…
Deliciously rad

Deliciously rad
That’s one way to get people to come...

That’s one way to get people to come...